So I decided to bake today. I am doing many home based activities these days. Painting, framing and hanging photos, re-arranging furniture. Making potato salad, pasta salads, and now baking. I do believe I am channelling my mother and have this urgent need to nest for some reason.
That and I think I nearly killed my dog today. Well perhaps the heat did - she is lying on the patio and has been there since 10am. I bought Aspen a new ball chucker thingy and keeping in mind that I forget she is nearly 12, I threw the ball for her about 28 times at her favourite park today - and she ran and ran after it and returned it like a puppy so I tend to forget she is old bones now. Must have been a combo of all that heat and her long fir but she has been panting and laying down for hours now. Excuse me while I go dump some water on the poor creature.
Oh yes, that and I have updated my resume and am sending it out on a daily basis.... time to take a deep breath and put myself out there. Nearly 6 months off now - very long vacation and I need to stimulate my brain and be with grown ups soon. Renuneration is a good thing too. I do like the money.
Off to watch the fireworks from the roof. Night!
Wednesday, 21 July 2010
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Eat those feelings lady.
What a week and it is only Wednesday.
I am trying to look at things differently. I am trying to move forward each and every day, and not base the day's expectations on the previous days experiences. That is I am setting out daily and not expecting anything. Nothing from nobody. Even if I am told something is going to happen, or somebody will call / meet up, things will happen... etc. I am being casual and open to everything.
You see, one of my flaws is that I am a huge planner. And sometimes not in the good way. Well, actually sometimes in a good way, the way employers or friends that ask you to go and do things for them kinda way. I'm the one to call if I am slipping across the boarder and you need me to pick up those shoes you can't get in Campbell River, or that micro brew that is only sold in Seattle....I usually will say "OK" and then plan my return trip around the task, putting my desire to get home quickly and sleep on hold. Sigh.
The way I usually think or pre-think of things, or situations, or anything is to plan what I am going to wear, what I am going to do or say, where I am going to go, and as much as predict the outcome of said outing.
Did you read that? PREDICT THE OUTCOME. Really. Apparently the old me thought that i could control situations / people, etc....
Usually what would happen is that things did not go the way I planned or wanted them to go, and then I would get this crushing feeling of overwhelming disappointment. The type of disappointment that would make me open the refrigerator 6 or l7 times and stare into it blankly and pull out whatever was in there and eat it. Eat it for god's sake.
Now really. As if that left over piece of chicken or that bowl of cheerios at 11pm is really going to solve any crappy feelings. As if!
Ok, this is me dishing out what makes me tick. Well what used to.
After one last time of things going completely pear shaped, after the predicted outcome was supposed to be fan fucking tastic I made a decision. A really big one.
I no longer try to envision what is going to happen when I go out that front door.
Yes, I know where I am headed (usually!) and I know who I am meeting up with and I know that I won't go out of my way for anybody these days. But what I don't know is what will happen. What ever happens from that point on is clearly up to the situation, and is a gift.
If the weekend is lame, so be it. Let it be lame. It will only let me appreciate the better ones when they are happening.
This, for a Virgo is a HUGE thing. HUGE! So far so good!
Oh, and I no longer need that late night chicken, or nachos, or anything. I just need to rip apart the house and start re-decorating which is a much better use of my time.
PS - Viva espana!
I am trying to look at things differently. I am trying to move forward each and every day, and not base the day's expectations on the previous days experiences. That is I am setting out daily and not expecting anything. Nothing from nobody. Even if I am told something is going to happen, or somebody will call / meet up, things will happen... etc. I am being casual and open to everything.
You see, one of my flaws is that I am a huge planner. And sometimes not in the good way. Well, actually sometimes in a good way, the way employers or friends that ask you to go and do things for them kinda way. I'm the one to call if I am slipping across the boarder and you need me to pick up those shoes you can't get in Campbell River, or that micro brew that is only sold in Seattle....I usually will say "OK" and then plan my return trip around the task, putting my desire to get home quickly and sleep on hold. Sigh.
The way I usually think or pre-think of things, or situations, or anything is to plan what I am going to wear, what I am going to do or say, where I am going to go, and as much as predict the outcome of said outing.
Did you read that? PREDICT THE OUTCOME. Really. Apparently the old me thought that i could control situations / people, etc....
Usually what would happen is that things did not go the way I planned or wanted them to go, and then I would get this crushing feeling of overwhelming disappointment. The type of disappointment that would make me open the refrigerator 6 or l7 times and stare into it blankly and pull out whatever was in there and eat it. Eat it for god's sake.
Now really. As if that left over piece of chicken or that bowl of cheerios at 11pm is really going to solve any crappy feelings. As if!
Ok, this is me dishing out what makes me tick. Well what used to.
After one last time of things going completely pear shaped, after the predicted outcome was supposed to be fan fucking tastic I made a decision. A really big one.
I no longer try to envision what is going to happen when I go out that front door.
Yes, I know where I am headed (usually!) and I know who I am meeting up with and I know that I won't go out of my way for anybody these days. But what I don't know is what will happen. What ever happens from that point on is clearly up to the situation, and is a gift.
If the weekend is lame, so be it. Let it be lame. It will only let me appreciate the better ones when they are happening.
This, for a Virgo is a HUGE thing. HUGE! So far so good!
Oh, and I no longer need that late night chicken, or nachos, or anything. I just need to rip apart the house and start re-decorating which is a much better use of my time.
PS - Viva espana!
Sunday, 4 July 2010
Share
When we were 4 or 5 or as late as 6, we were instructed to share.
Share your toys
Share your food
Share you popcorn
Share your candy
Share the back seat of the car
But at some point this all stopped. Things got competitive. It was all about finishing first - or in the top 10, top of the class, top marks, first place, gold metal, blue ribbon, beat the other kid to the prize.
BE the most popular
HAVE the most friends
GET the best looking viable male / female candidate for reproduction / co-habitation / partner up in the life get the most stuff relay and lock it all away.
Parental stamp of approval guaranteed!
It soon became all about Me, me, me, me, me, or rather you, you, you, you, you,
me,
mine,
leave it alone it's mine,
don't touch it, it is mine,
she is mine, he is mine,
they are MY friends,
this is MY house,
this is MY car,
these are my THINGS.
don't you DARE touch them, don't even THINK about the possibility of getting to hold or use them.
So the whole sharing, caring thing we learned as children. Why?
We are taught to share with others. We are taught to be kind, get along with other people, be inclusive, make sure everybody gets a valentine, (even though we all secretly knew that kid, you know, the one with the funny nervous cough and runny nose he wipes on his green pilled two sizes to large sweater - most definitely won't be getting as many crepe paper hearts with lipstick kisses on them as Sally, Johnny or Ben did).
But once, once in a while in your adulthood (well I AM grown up despite what you may have heard) you witness an act of sharing, that is so simple, yet so profoundly moving, that you can't believe you were there sharing that moment. When that happens, all bets are off. Adults are by my recollection not very good at sharing these days. And when they do, well it is something.
Ok - that is all I can write about this - perhaps it is the Neo-citron talking, or the fact that I am exhausted, but happy. happy. me. happy. yes. happy. For once I don't want for anything at this moment. I am going to enjoy it.
There. I just enjoyed it some more.
Ok - hoping when I re-read this I have not made a complete ass of myself, and this makes sense, but I am going to hit the "publish" button and just release this odd tidbit of my thoughts out for my entire 2 followers to read.
Don't have me committed - I have not gone mad, I am just happy. I had a good weekend ok?
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