Techonolgy and le grand malade.

I had no idea just how connected, or plugged in I was to the web until I lost service earlier this week. The little white Mac Book I have sitting so quietly looking like
left over storm-trooper parts is a very important tool in my life these days.

Safari decided that he did not wish to live with the rest of my applications, so he moved out without any notice and not as much as a good bye. At first, I thought ok, perhaps Safari is sick or maybe he did not want to hang out, but no - when I called apple help they confirmed that yes, safari did leave. And I would have to go online using a proxy server until they could get him back for me. Using firefox feels like I am cheating on safari somehow, and is good for a quick fix, but not totally satisfying at all.

This is all so odd - not being able to chat with my friends online. It has only been about 4 days, but I miss you all so very much. The up side is that I can browse my fave sites such as facebook *guilty as charged - but that I can't seem to "chat" with anybody.

Contemplating a new camera purchase soon. An Artist friend (xoxoxxox) of mine has a great new camera and is branching off into a new area of work. I am truly enjoying the new art he is producing, although I feel like somewhat of a voier looking and not saying much. His modern art, as well now as photography is stunning, and I don't want to be one out of a hundred women that seem to be in his fan club by paying him gushing public compliments. He seems to have many, many female admirers. Which is rad, but also intimidating. Is that odd? I think we all want to be special to people we have horrible crushes on, no matter what or how often we see them. Mad crushes are horrible - it is better when they chase you I think. A bit of mystery is good, and staying silent sometimes is better than gushing forth streams of compliments, etc. Maybe this Safari outage is a good thing in disguise. Who knows.

Le sigh. I think I will go on another ride and try not to think of the handsome and talented men I am lucky to know.

Life, death and the pursuit of new boots.

Have you ever tried to purchase a pair of boots in the summer? I mean really, go out and go looking for a kick ass pair
of riding boots. I have the exact pair in mind - they have to be kick ass / sexy / edgy and the right shade of brown or black.

My 2 pairs of riding boots have, well, been ridden hard and put away wet (yeah, I know gross) but I took inventory of the boot situation today and decided it was time for another pair.

Right. Summer. Boot shopping. Not going to work. So tell me, why is it that I have to purchase items based on what season it is. Really now, who decided that I did not require boots in the summer. I totally do. And not dumb-ass cowboy "welcome to the stinking Calgary Stampede, I just got of the farm boots" but boots that I can ride in and look good in.

I actually wasted 4 hours looking on line for a pair. 4 hours. ack! time suckage at it's very best/worst..

Oh yeah and I am losing yet another friend who is moving away. Sigh. Maybe this shopping is a distraction from What is really irking me. I live in one of the biggest cities in Canada, yet my friends all seem to live in other places. Calgary, Campbell River, Seattle, Portland and beyond.

So let's see. Today = Friend moving :( / no boots purchased and baby bird got eaten by cat right in front of my window. Yep. And I actually got out of bed today.

Time to pour another Gin & Tonic with pineapple juice for good measure and take stock in today.

Slow and steady

This has been a really slow week for me so far.. I know it is only Tuesday, but I think quiet is the theme this week.

I have mostly been studying, stretched out like a satisfied cat on the roof top patio lounger reading a really trashy novel about New York socialites and a famous apartment building, and hanging out at home. It feels like a week to "regroup and recharge" so that is what I have been doing. Most of my human contact has been via facebook and I am enjoying the conversations I am having. it is soooo 1984.

Sometimes I think it is good to curl up at home and read and be quiet for a while and when I am ready I can emerge into the world roaring.

Oh wait... I did dork out and hit my head this week. doh! Feeling pretty silly about it.

Listened to an interview on CBC this morning with James Mecer & Brian burton (Broken Bells). It was awesome! Mongrel Heart is so far my fave. song on it. If you have not purchased the album I suggest you do!

xoxox

C.

Rainy day musings....

I won't say it. Just can't, but June, you have been a complete wash thus far. A wash as in it is now the 10th day of your Spring/Summer month and I feel as though you are angry with me. What did I do?

Was it that I stayed up too late, went out with , cuddled up with, and swooned over  May - making you think that May was my favourite month?
Was it all the Christmas Cheer in December. Did you see me out shopping, skiing and buying gifts for family and friends?

No wait..wait a minute. I think it was April, yes April when I went to Hawaii and PRETENDED it was June. Is that why you are angry? I was positive you did not see me. Perhaps I was wrong.

Now you can't blame me for wanting a bit of June in April, everybody does, even if they won't admit to it unless you get them in a corner at a boring dinner party after a few glasses of cheap red wine. Eventually everybody tells me their wicked secrets and confesses as to which month they would have rather dated.

If I have to say I am sorry for basking in all that sun and enjoying the surf and the sand before your time...then I will. June, I am truly sorry. I really should have waited for you. You know ho much I adore the way you smell, with your fragrant flowers, the way the grass feels when I slip off my shoes and sink my feet into it's June warmth. And your sun.. when you do bring it out it shines like no other month. It is full of promise, hope and good feelings.

June, you know I love you best, and I am here just hoping and waiting that you will show me that you love me too.

At the very least, could you pretend for a few days - preferably the weekend?

xoxo

Oceans day? How shitty.

Hello Until now I have kept very quiet about the oil spill happening in the Gulf.

I was being rescued by a friend in Seattle on Sunday evening and he mentioned that Canada was lucky as we don't have the horrific catastrophe (don't quote me on this...) that they are going through with the BP oil leaking into the Gulf of Mexico.

I thought about what he said - and you know, I don't consider this an American problem - I consider this the world's problem. On a recent diving trip, somebody told me that the water I was diving into in Hawaii could very well be the same water I swam in when I was in Alaska, or Europe, or anywhere else I had been. We are all affected by this - given not as horribly as the sea life, birds and people living along the gulf coast, but essentially this is bad for the entire planet.

I've listened to some news and radio talk about the oil spill and it is devastatingly sad. I have even sat down and cried about it. I feel so small, so powerless over this catastrophe and without an end in sight the oceans will forever be different, maybe worse.

What the fuck are we doing? How did we get to this point?

My hairdresser and salon owner Missy is collecting hair to send for clean up efforts. So, if you are in Vancouver, go get your hair cut @ Coup Salon - it is a small thing, but it may make a difference.


I am taking a study break right now (reading up on strata properties and management) and hoping to utilize this time to write something more about it, but with an assignment looming and meeting up with people tonight for a Vespa ride, it might not be realistic.

Aspen got into a fight with a shitty pit bull at the beach today . she has a puncture wound below her eye and I had to take her to the vet. - cried about that too. I am just a bundle of nerves lately. Hope the ride tonight cures that.

xoxoxox

Laws of Attraction

I have recently read that "thoughts become things". I am focusing on this concept of the basic law of attraction - like attracts like and thoughts become things.

So from now on I am the most brilliant, magnetic, gorgeous, sexy, attractive, funny and beautiful person you have ever met and you can't stand to think of your life without me in it.

Oh wait... and you have a burning desire to to buy me more expensive shoes. Yes shoes. And a motorcycle. You can't help it.

Fair enough.

xoxox

C.

Regrouping.

Today - no wait - actually most of this week I am weighed down with the most massive sense of disappointment I have felt
in a very long time.
Won't say who. Will not tell you the situation or circumstances, but my stupid belief that somebody would actuate or follow through with something speaks volumes of my desire to truly believe that there are people out there who are not selfish, who are actually understanding and keep their word, and will man-up and not run and hide, no wait, pull the typical apathetic bullshit.
fuck fuck fuck!!!!!

If I could be on the brink my entire life - that great sense of expectation and excitement without the disappointment - that would be the perfect state

That state, that is like when the band first comes out to play - they take the stage, say hello to the crowd and then start in on their first number...that .... that...that is the PERFECT moment. that is the brink....nothing exists at that moment, no promises, no unfulfilled anything.....it feels like you are just about to....... Yes. that is it.


Some days I wish I drank heavily or did drugs or did not care at all. Would that be easier? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

I think I will pour myself a nice cup of green tea, no wait some dark, peaty scotch, think of somebody different, who lives a few hours away, somebody wondeful that I know, want to know better, and want to see again... and curl up on the sofa for a while.

Re-post from 2 years ago!

I was shuffling back in my blog and found this entry from back in 2008. Awesome!!!

This was me then - now, well as most of you know I am surfing the wonderful wave called downsizing and am
content to spend my days blogging, having coffee with friends and making up for all those years I wasted doing nothing at a
desk. he hee. Here you go:


Body of Work
Here I am @ work on a Cold Monday. And I have decided that today's theme will be slack.
I am going to attempt to do as little as possible today - and do it in the most artful way that I know. It definitely helps that I have an office and am able to shut the door. Here is how it is gonna go down:

After I send out a few "under a tight deadline" obligatory e-mails I will walk around with a few file folders stuffed with random printed emails and assorted blank papers - and visit the 4 people that I actually get along with. I will tell them how busy I am - and how tight my deadline is - and that I will be working in my office with the door shut. I will ask if anybody is doing a Starbucks run - and if they can get me something (I am usually the one who happily goes, so this will plant the "busy" seed in their minds).

I will pour myself a green tea - take it back to my desk...hand write a note in a sharpie- "please knock - under a strict deadline" and place it strategically on my door. This says that I am far to busy with my work to actually type out a note and print it off...and gives off the "wow, Caprice is busy" vibe.

I will close the door, but not completely - leave it open just a smidge. That way people can glance in at me as they ALWAYS seem to do when they walk by - It's not a car crash people, move along - and they will see good old me working as hard as I usually do.

I may even dial "o" and asked fashion victim receptionist if she minds picking me up a sandwich @ lunch because I am too busy to go out.... and I know although she is annoyed with me she will let others know how annoyed she is, but really spreading the rumor of how busy I am today.

What I will really be doing:

. Looking for Technical Writing or Creative writing work.
. Reading. I was lent an amazing book that I practically want to eat...and I can't put it down.
. Shopping for shoes on line (thank goodness ebay is not firewalled)
. Monitoring my facebook via gmail - (firewalled facebook sucks IT. I know you use it!)
. Navel gazing

Why?

Well, after checking out some friends link, and having countless friends that work in the movies, I realize that except for being published in Chatelaine magazine 5 years ago, and editing a community paper, that I have no larger body of work to show for my 15 years of work. Sure there are a few office manuals and personnel files kicking around out there, but really, what have I got to show for my years of work? At least a TV show or a Movie shares with others what you do. All this shit I do is meaningless...I mean really - what I do sometimes feels like a make-work project. Designing more efficient ways to group desks, ensuring employees have a health program in place... organizing the Christmas party nobody really wants to attend.

I am feeling the need to create something tangible. Just need it to pay as well. Maybe that is where I went wrong.

I am going to take today to think about it....excuse me while I just prepare these files - and I have a sign to make.