The Law of attraction.

I have recently read that "thoughts become things". I am focusing on this concept of the basic law of attraction - like attracts like and thoughts become things.

So from now on I am the most gorgeous, sexy, attractive, funny and beautiful person you have ever met and you can't stand to think of your life without me in it.

Fair enough.

C.

Cheating and other atrocities...

Am I a cheater? Am I cheating on my company / boss?

I have an pre-screening interview today with the HR company from my old employer...
and I can't help but compare cheating on one's employer to cheating on one's significant other.

I can't say "partner" - partner makes me want to break out into a square dance a-la highschool gym class. Partner to me means same sex partner, or dance partner...somebody you are forced to hold hands with in elementary school - but their hands are icky and sweaty or you don't like this person......

But I am getting off track.

I am being wooed by another - employer. My previous employer. The employer I "broke up with" after a promotion, transfer and bad experience with a new supervisor at the different location.

But they want me back. Hummmmm..

The thing is - this old employer wants to pay me more $$, give me more vacation time and all the good benefits that go with this employer......

I need to sneak out of here shortly and take their call.... isn't this just like sneaking out on your signicant other to take a call from another?

I really think that you have a relationship with your job. A relationship with your boss / HR department and others you work with. When you choose to leave their employment for another position elsewhere, it is really like ending a relationship.

Now, Layoffs, well that is a completely different animal alltogether. I have been broken up with by an employer, only to have them call me back under contract - isn't that like breaking up with somebody, figuring out that you miss them and can't go on without them, but only wanting them "on the side" with a break up date already set - while you are dating the new somebody you met just before they left?

How about the interview? It is like going out and meeting somebody new and making a decision if you want to date them? I have dated an employer, gone for "lunch" and thougth everything went well...and never got the call back thenext day.

Well, I am off to cheat - and see what the potential new suiter has to offer.


Sincerely,
The cheater.

The great Vegan Experiement

Those who know me, know how easily I give in to things in life that I desire.
Food, or rather GOOD food, being my biggest temptation/fixation/addiction...or whatever you deem to call it has always been in the forefront of my exstence. How could it not be, I am 1/2 Italian and my love for fresh, good food comes rather naturally.

Becoming vegan - balls out - before Christmas was a huge thing. It has been 95 days now.... and what I have learned about myself, others, and society's general relationship to food could fill a book. I need to share some of my findings.

Soy Cheese, no matter how expensive, or "tasty" it says it is....really isn't.
Faux Chicken and beef has come a long way - but it still tastes like play doh - even covered in spices.
People can get really nasty when they find out you are vegan. Mean can include any of the following:
- People saying how much they looooove bacon......
- People quoting musical lyrics about how killing cows is fun
- People black lising you from their group web sites
- People saying they are open to the idea of veganisim, but still calling you a loser
- People not inviting you over to eat

It is NOT a good idea to watch the cooking channel. (Sorry Nigella, Ida and Jamie... I miss you!)
Realizing that most of what you do involves eating, going out to eat, staying home and preparing food, having dinner parties for others to eat, planning on eating, riding your scooter to get food.
Shopping at Whole Foods and passing by their Deli / chese counter is NOT a good idea
Every menu save for a few vegan restaurants is full of meat and cheses choices - the vegan choice comes with cheses and chicken....go figure!
It is NOT easy to be vegan while vising a small town in Alberta.
People keep asking me "so, are you still a vegan?" When are you going to give that up?


I can't grocery shop without spending atleast $200 on Vegan speciality items which include Veganrella / Vita Soy / egg free bagels / veggie burgers / gardin protein faux chicken / tofutti (faux creme cheese for those bagels) / coco orbs....etc.

I can't say I am vegan anymore. I have been told to eat Eggs by my physican as I am not propery balancing my proteins. once or twice a week I have a HUGE veggie omlet. Let me tell you how amazing that first bite tasted.

Am I a bad person....no. Am I a vegan..no longer. I am a vegitarian who does not eat cheese save and except for very special occasions - and I need a special occasion soon!


c.

From the office

File folders
Paper clips
Label makers
post-it notes...
email
7-6 daily.

I am going mental being at the office for such long hours.....that and school is making me twitch a little bit. The weather is oh so fine....so I am going for a scooter ride solo tonight.

Here is something funny I found in the New Yorker on line today.....made me laugh, which is what I need lately.

http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2004/11/29/041129fa_fact1

more lists

I am home with a cold/flu. More list for you today.
Cold related list.

Phone in to work sick
phone in sick guilt
aches
fever
kleenex
nasal spray
throat losanges
tea
petting the dog
more tea
bad daytime television
noisy neighbour
garbage truck
vaccum
dust
organizing bills
back to sleep
nap until 1pm
stay at home guilt
Advil
melted soy cheese and olive bread sandwich (openface)
vitamin c
green tea
email
sunning myself in the courtyard with a good book
chinese take away for dinner
more sleep.

little houses..on the hillside..little houses made of ticky tacky.....

I went to the calabria bakery the other day on my lunch break to pick up their yummy pizza bread and realized that I was close to the first house Stephen and I lived in when we first got together......so I drove by. Only to find the house gone....and a gardenless stuco palace in it's place. The new owners even went as far as to cement the front yard!! Can you imagine?
(go on outside kids...and play in the street on on the hot concrete...)

"Not another one!" I thought. This is one of the many homes I have lived in that have been wiped off the planet, but not from my memory.

I took a drive around the city at midnight (could not sleep) and disovered that the house on Nanaimo was also gone. As was the house in North Vancouver...WTF!!!!!

Ok, if anybody knows me, you know I live in a very nice place...it has always been this way. Usually a 50's bungalo or 1912 classic a-frame house. Heck, I even purchased a old-timer in calgary and gutted/reno'd it and put in marble, stainless....etc... so why were the homes I lived in being torn down? It is a Vancouver thing?

It actually made me a little sad - and still does as I type this blog.

Stephen and I met in that first house on Victoria an 35th. We lived with another couple....got our first dog there.....planted an amazing garden.......I nearly died in the bedroom with a twisted intestine / ...and now it is gone. gone.


The house we moved into in Edgemont when we first arrived back in Vancouver from 10 years in Calgary is gone......the owner let our lease run out...then removed the 200 foot cedar tree...and tore it down and built a HUGE 2 million dollar home. It was a really nice bungalo on the side of grouse mountain...hardwoods, stainless.... I don't understand it at all.

I fell as though all my memories were wiped out with the house being gone.....
the only thing that is good about it is that they did not put up a wallmart or McDonalds in their place.....

The Letter "V"

Instead of getting all musy and sappy on Valentines day (although I am at my very core a romantic.....) I thought I would make a list of all the words that start with "V" that I like.



Vulgar
Vanity
Vice
Vixen
Vicious
Voracious
Victorious
Victoria
Vancouver
Vexed
Vein
Violet
Vox

Negative / Positive

Hummm.......I seem to be generating a lot of negative ions lately...

Or it may be that time of year.  Everybody seems really defensive, irratable and in just a shit mood these days.

Solution???  We should all just tell eachother to "feck off" and have a good laugh, some wine/pints and be glad that we are young enough, good looking enough, and intersting enough to have friends to tell to feck off.

A friend of mine mentioned positivity the other evening....and I got to thinking.  How do you create a positive environmnet in a town that is soooo cynical and pissy most of the time?

Someone once said to me that if you stood on the sidewalk and cried all day, nobody would pay attention, but if you stood there and smiled all day, you had better belive that they will haul you away sooner rather than later.

He was right.  I have seen it happen.

Maybe I will make a list of good things that happened this week and not even think of all the caca stuff.

 - I got together with my friends on Monday night.

 - I did not get sprayed by the skunk that ran past me and Aspen this morning

-  I finangaled a raise at work

- I was told I "give good voice" over the phone (at work, but I will take what I can get)

- Was sent flowers by somebody - and I don't know who, but they got the flowers right

- new shoeeeesssss!

- Vegan chocolate cake....yummy!

- fresh sheets

- gin and tonic with lime

- meeting up with friends for a pint @ the pub tomorrow night

- olives....sooo many good olives at whole foods...tried lemon stuffed olives..yum.

- my dog woke me up with a cuddle this morning

- Pingu is coming home this week...yay kitty!

suds

Sunday night. What a great night for have a good dinner and kicking back with a good book, or with a good movie. For me, becuase I work at a nine - 5 job, Sunday evenings have always been very busy, and a little sad. Lunches to be made, clothing to be readied, and piles and piles of laundry to be done. I have always wondered what my friends do on a Sunday night..it is the one night of the week when I don't ever see them.

Speaking with friends today, I realized how lucky I am to have insuite laundry. Having a house, it was just a given that you would have a washer/dryer in your home. Always have. Did not realize that washing up on your own was a luxury. I guess that would make Sunday evening rather difficult then.

I was taken out for coffee and lunch by my old boyfriend in Victoria and he took me to Cafe Fantastico...which had a laundry mat attached to it. Really cool. His son's work is featured on the bathroom door - (outer not inside) and there are always really intersting works of art on the walls. This time it was dolls -= really cool juju type dolls. (Is juju a word? well it is now).

The laundrymat is a really cool gathering place - full of people who are hanging out waiting for laundry, reading, drinking realy yummy coffee. there was a real sence of community - not like where I am -= sitting isolated @ home alone . Sunday night. Doing laundry while I blogg.

Maybe I should throw out the machines and move to Victoria... hummmm.....I will have another espresso and ponder this.

French Press

I often wonder what monikers people might have for me, and I think I might have stumbled upon one: Mrs. Skunk Coffee. See, I leave a French Press at work, and everyday I bring in fresh beans to make my morning coffee. Well my office is pretty much the Van Houtte special pouch brewed in a crusty glass pot, so strong earthy coffee is definitely not par for the course. (If you’re a Van Houtte, I have nothing against you, I just like my coffee with an obscene amount of grit. ;) Mmmmm.)

Lately it seems that someone will walk into the office, start sniffing, and declare, “Do you smell a skunk?”, or “who sprayed pesticides in here?” Inevitably they’ll end up in my office to point a finger at my delicious coffee. I’m not really sure where skunks or pesticides come into the equation, it’s just strong coffee, but I do wonder if it’s strong enough to become a moniker. Mind you, I don’t think the people that I work with would even know what moniker means – oh is that bitchy? Oh well. Go take your uneducated pallet back to “Timmy's” where I would not be caught dead on a Saturday night.

Thank goodness my two work pals are into my press. If I don’t make it right away they poke their heads into my office, empty mugs in hand with a forlorn look on their faces. It gives me a kind of warm and fuzzy feeling actually.

Any thoughts? Do you think pressed coffee smells like skunks?

I might just take some air freshener in with me, since I think I’d rather be the girl whose office smells like flowers, has great boots, instead of the girl whose office smells like skunks.

In the land of things that don’t smell, I purchased a new pair of boots this weekend, and I’m quite smitten with them.

Fear of Colour

I was busy taking snaps of my new place yesterday - and one theme really hit home with me once I looked at the photos - fear of colour.

Now, when you are a couple you carefully weigh and measure each domestic purchase, consult each other and try your best to comprimise and end up somewhere between what you really wanted and what he really wanted. You end up with some semi-ok furniture, some art that you like/don't like and a whole lot of brown.

My place looks really grown up. And it dosen't suit me anymore. I am in the middle of re-inventing myself and breaking out of that Calgary =housewifey- SUV driving -painting restricted shell that I was in for nearly a decade. I want out so bad that I am kicking and screaming.

Now that it is just little ol' moi, I am wondering what to do and I can hardly contain myself.  I want to chuck out the entire lot and start over. I want a big blue chair and a kelly green sofa, modern table and some humungous and rediculious pillows to throw around. I want to pull out my ugly doll and put him smack in the middle of the room. Forget the ugly doll, I want to wear bright orange lipstick and be brave enough to kiss the one I have a crush on - yes, invite him over and plant a wet one on him while he is sitting on my fabulous sofa. While we are at it I want a new wardrobe as well. Enough of the conservatitve all black get-ups I have been wearing - or rather hiding behind.  I want a new pair of shiny red boots and a white jacket.   A green wolly jumper paird with stripy leggings. (of course I will wear my obscene lipstick - why the hell not!)

I am sick of shopping at the gap - I want to shop at the cool shops of Main and in Yaletown.....Trade in my forks for colourful chopsticks.....be invited for dim sum in Chinatown, not the local mega-mall.

This needs to translate to my office. I need to paint these mud colour walls a flirty light blue or red and then pack away all the useless office tools and fill up a jar with buttons from all the styles we have....ohhhh....yeeeessss.

Body of Work

Here I am @ work on a Cold Monday. And I have decided that today's theme will be slack.
I am going to attempt to do as little as possible today - and do it in the most artful way that I know. It definitely helps that I have an office and am able to shut the door. Here is how it is gonna go down:

After I send out a few "under a tight deadline" obligatory e-mails I will walk around with a few file folders stuffed with random printed emails and assorted blank papers - and visit the 4 people that I actually get along with. I will tell them how busy I am - and how tight my deadline is - and that I will be working in my office with the door shut. I will ask if anybody is doing a Starbucks run - and if they can get me something (I am usually the one who happily goes, so this will plant the "busy" seed in their minds).

I will pour myself a green tea - take it back to my desk...hand write a note in a sharpie- "please knock - under a strict deadline" and place it strategically on my door. This says that I am far to busy with my work to actually type out a note and print it off...and gives off the "wow, Caprice is busy" vibe.

I will close the door, but not completely - leave it open just a smidge. That way people can glance in at me as they ALWAYS seem to do when they walk by - It's not a car crash people, move along - and they will see good old me working as hard as I usually do.

I may even dial "o" and asked fashion victim receptionist if she minds picking me up a sandwich @ lunch because I am too busy to go out.... and I know although she is annoyed with me she will let others know how annoyed she is, but really spreading the rumor of how busy I am today.

What I will really be doing:

. Looking for Technical Writing or Creative writing work.
. Reading. I was lent an amazing book that I practically want to eat...and I can't put it down.
. Shopping for shoes on line (thank goodness ebay is not firewalled)
. Monitoring my facebook via gmail - (firewalled facebook sucks IT. I know you use it!)
. Navel gazing

Why?

Well, after checking out some friends link, and having countless friends that work in the movies, I realize that except for being published in Chatelaine magazine 5 years ago, and editing a community paper, that I have no larger body of work to show for my 15 years of work. Sure there are a few office manuals and personnel files kicking around out there, but really, what have I got to show for my years of work? At least a TV show or a Movie shares with others what you do. All this shit I do is meaningless...I mean really - what I do sometimes feels like a make-work project. Designing more efficient ways to group desks, ensuring employees have a health program in place... organizing the Christmas party nobody really wants to attend.

I am feeling the need to create something tangible. Just need it to pay as well. Maybe that is where I went wrong.

I am going to take today to think about it....excuse me while I just prepare these files - and I have a sign to make.

It's all about control people!

It is all about control.  That is my foregone conclusion upon waking up today.  I mean could you actually imagine doing what you want....to whom you want.... and having them be into it to?  Wow.  Maybe that would make things a lot easier and much more straight fwd.  But no, I have to control myself.  Control how I act, how I feel, etc.  bah.

I had some control, but not enough.  I was in amazingingly good company yesterday.  I did not want to be anywhere else.  It was nice.  Laughing, talkng, drinking...... restraint. (fear of rejection causes the restraint or control part).  Except I drank a little too much for having very little to eat.  

Stupid girl. 

I hate hiding how I feel.  I like how it feels though.    

Now if YOU are reading this - and I imagine you or nobody does - yes, I like you.   What am I going to do with you?

So if I am clumsy, fiddle with my things too much, know it is because I am controling myself.

Now, if you want to lose control, I am fine with that.  You know where I am.

Does your pussy do the Dog?

I am thumbing through old albums tonight - and am reminded of really good concerts from the past.  I hope the cramps go on tour again - last time I saw them was in 1997 at Graceland - where a un known male kept buying me drinks and licking the back of my arms.  Funny the things you remember.

I am also reminded of how my suv got broken into upon my return to Vancouver after a 9 year hiatus in Calgary - and how my cramps Cd's got lifted from the glove box.....and in a nice suburban neighbourhood in N. Van.  Welcome to Vancouver.

When I am having coffee or dancing with friends on  a Friday night I am reminded of why I moved back....when I looked at the real-estate paper and gasp as they are asking $700k for a 600 sq. ft. apartment with a view of 100 other apartments, it makes me wish I never moved back. 

Well, you can't have it all.  I think the thing I miss most is my jet tub in my master ensuite - with separate shower that I had 3 shower heads installed.  Most cold winter nights you could find me in my bathroom either bathing or showering.......  now most rainy winter nights I am out having coffee with friends or at a local pub or bar...... 

I think the social aspects of being back far outweigh the delux bathroom...but ask me again at bathtime later tonight.

replaced

replaced, unloved, forgotten.
bah!

Post Secret - Have you sent one?

Unsure how I feel about this site - but I must admit that every monday afternoon I check it out to see what new post cards have arrvied and what sick puppies most people are.

I am really tempted to send one it.....have you?

something blue.....

brrrrr it was cold today  - but I went out and rode my P150 anyhow.  The sun was unusually deceptive today -and it fooled me into thinking it may be spring. That and the great blue heron that hung out on my back patio this afternoon - a good sign I think.

Met up with some girl friends for coffee - and another friend of mine happened by...so all in all a good day.  I needed a good day.

Thinking about cracking open a good bottle of red and topping off the evening with wine and a semi-ok movie .......and not think about work tomorrow.

Here is too another weekend gone by.

And here is to more sunny days.... (gawd that is corny!).

Grumpy

ok. fine. So I will admit it. My current Vegan diet has made me grumpy. grrrr. Oh and yeah, extra sensitive. So if you tell me in a round about way that I am stupid - or how you like to eat meat and smash cows brains in and think it is funny - I will get upset about it..so don't act all suprised and self-rightious when I do.

It is funny though, I am usually known for my pleasand demeanor, and I have been really pissy most of this week - even angry - and people are really taken aback by it. I mean come on, you don't expect me to be happy all the time do you? Ok, enough with the biotching...I know.

Let's see...happy things...well a friend of mine is coming back from a trip that I can't wait to see...hopefully soon. That is good. Oh, and I am going to a suprise party for a friend who is turing 40 - so that is good too. Oh and it is Saturday tomorrow - so sleeping in is good as well.

Going to leave work, head home and get ready for the par-tay - perhaps a good bottle of red is in order. Perhaps that will rid me of my sallow mood. Hope so!

4:30 friday work rant.

So it is the end of the day and I should be heading home.....but there is too much to do and as usual I am waiting on somebody's artwork before I can get out of here.

Why do people kick it into high gear around 4:30 on a Friday? I mean COME ON! I was here bright and early sunshine....why wern't you? Why do I have to wait until your adreline kicks in for you after your 5th espresso at 3pm and work frantically all afternoon? Why could you not get your shit together like the rest of us and show up on time, with ideas in hand.... oh , right..you were born into this job. Family placed you here. right. yeah. and you have no fucking consept that I would like to leave on time for once on a Friday night so I can get home and get ready to go out and hang out with my friends - do you have any friends other than hangers on who hang off your every word hoping to get a slice of the pie? What? No. Oh, well gues what, some of us do.

Gin and Tonic tonight!

What Is it with some people??

Does anybody else have a crazy person living next to them? Is this the penalty for not have 1 million in the bank and being able to buy a house in the town I grew up in? What ever happened to "go to university, get a good job and you can buy home with a lawn you can mow...yada yada yada."

Making my way home today I get a call from my newish neighbour. This 30 something divorcee would like me to "change my work start time" Whaa? so that I don't wake her up in the morning.

Apparently the sound of the pipes in our building when I have a shower at 5:45 am wake her up - Normand that she has sleep issues and is on meds.... but I can't fucking believe that she had the fucking nerve to call me and ask me to adjust my fucking life so she can sleep.

Spoke to the strata manager who though it was hilarious - thank goodness - and said that this woman has issues - she even approached the strata and asked them to remove the garage door below her suite - because she could not stand the way it sound when somebody left the garage early in the morning. She even had the gall to suggest those who leave for work before her should have to park outside.

Now, call me spoilt, I found a great rooftop town home in ambleside with only 5 other suites in this building, but why did I get crazy woman living next door? or is there always going to be a crazy woman living next door - stupid Vancouver rentals.