Energy drain

I have so much to share for some reason, yet I am being hyper-critical of self this morning and it is really
making me tired. I am questioning everything, and nothing. I am finding raw beauty in strange places.
I am feeling like something in me is being woken up - like I have been sleeping for a long time.

It is so exhausting, but in a good way. I think I am just overwhelmed with raw feelings, sounds, sights, experiences.
It feels really cliche to put this down, but it is what is going on with me.

The worst of this is that I am holding back. Holding back what I am feeling and transforming these into a character in
the book I am attempting to write. I think I am afraid to share what I am holding back as it is far to overwhelming to share just yet. Not ready.

This I do want to share.. These photos that my grandfather gave to me. They are from Italy - he brought them back in 1960 something when he went home for a visit. Theses hung in the little alcove between the entrance way and living room of my grandparent's bungalow forever. I can remember being fascinated by these little photos when I was very young. "where is that" I would as my grandfather - "that, is where you come from, it is home, it is family, it is you".

There is a little chip on one of the frames. 9 year old Caprice did that. I remember this making my grandfather angry. "you just bought the set" he said as he picked it up off the floor of their east Vancouver home.

I still love these paintings. There is no date, no artist name, and I wonder about who painted them. When I look at them I can hear the busy streets of Rome and Florence. I can smell the pungent espresso, hear the people shouting, feel the warm Mediterranean air, smell the lemon and fig trees, feel the cool Italian cotton sheets brush across my skin as I wake up to the sounds of birds singing in the terrace below.

I want to share that with you today.